Welcome to Deadball Academy.

If you’re looking for a safe space to discuss your "feelings" or analyze your "spin rate," you’re in the wrong part of the interwebs. Go play chess. Go do Pilates.

Here, we believe in science. But not the kind involving calculators. We believe in the science of 1984. If it worked then, it works now. That is physics.

We recently recovered this orientation tape from the basement archives. It outlines the core philosophy of our program. Watch it, memorize it, and for the love of God, don’t ask about the mouthguard.

📺 Watch: Orientation Tape #001

The Three Pillars of "Feral Command"

Modern baseball is obsessed with "optimizing." At Deadball Academy, we are obsessed with surviving. Based on the footage above, here are the three principles every new recruit needs to tattoo on their brain (figuratively, unless you want to show commitment).

1. The "Big Maple" Conspiracy

You think wood bats are sustainable? Wake up. Coach Dennis has confirmed that standard wooden bats are a scam orchestrated by "Big Maple" to keep swing speeds down.

The Solution: We train with lead pipes found in a garage.
The Benefit: If you can hit a fastball with a piece of plumbing infrastructure, a baseball bat feels like a toothpick.

2. Launch Angle is Fear

We don’t use Rapsodo. We don’t use iPads. As Coach Dennis says: "I don't need metrics. I can smell a .300 hitter. You smell like TikTok."

The Radar Gun Policy: The radar gun has been taped over with duct tape. Why? Because knowing your velocity limits your soul.
The Drill: Throwing fastballs into a chainlink fence until the fence breaks or your rotator cuff does. This builds what we call "Feral Command."

3. Nutrition is for the Weak

We’ve seen modern players drinking "recovery shakes" and eating "balanced meals." It’s embarrassing. That’s not baseball.

Hydration: We found a crate of Gatorade from 1993 in the shed. It’s a little thick, but it builds immunity. Just try to ignore the aftertaste.
Equipment: We share a single mouthguard from 1987. It fosters team unity.

Key Takeaways from the Archives

On Grit: "I once played a doubleheader with food poisoning and a divorce. The only thing that got ejected that day was my lunch."
On Focus: "You want a launch angle? Try launching your phone into traffic."
On Employment: "This ain't a camp. It's a retirement plan."
On Work Ethic: “If you ain’t puking, you ain’t training.”